Below is a story; a story written as fiction because that's the way it wanted to be, and yet it is a story of a journey we all undertake at least once in our life.
Enjoy
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‘Josh’.
Josh was lying in a very dark place, but as he felt comfortable he decided to stay as he was.
‘Josh, you must listen as I cannot stay here for long. You must not let your memories rise up; you must go down to them. You will know when to start, you will feel the change. Do not let it overwhelm you, stay in the flow because the firewall will lie; remember that it is all lies.’
He wasn’t sure what that was about and he was sure being comfy was an important part of this journey, stay comfortable. Interesting, thought Josh, that felt like it wasn’t me thinking but the voice said, ‘of course it’s you’. Josh suddenly felt the need to pee but didn’t, couldn’t, after all he was in bed wasn’t he?
‘Go ahead’ said another voice, ‘remember when you were small?’
Josh tried to focus but the voices became a multitude hammering to be heard, and all the voices were one voice, his voice; Josh’s voice.
‘Stop! Stop! Stop!’ he screamed in his head, ‘How many of you fuckers are in my head?’
A strong voice, a remembered voice said ‘One for each Josh.’
Josh began to laugh, ‘Now I know I’m loosing it, you’re Obi Wan Kenobi from fucking Star Wars!’
‘No!’ said Obi Wan, ‘I am Obi Wan Josh. I am the archetype you created for yourself because you believed in me.’
‘Fuck off’, was all Josh could think of, and then added ‘I suppose there’s a Josh Armstrong, first man on the Moon, and Josh Christ Son of God!’
‘Over here, over here!’
‘I have definitely lost it!’
Obi Wan Josh continued, ‘Josh, you must listen to us. What you are doing will destroy us all, we are You, fragments created in the image of those you admired or revered, you modelled us in your psyche and what you are doing now will kill us all.’
Josh was almost crying, ‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Then you don’t believe in yourself.’
The multitudes were quiet. Josh Christ came forward, ‘Josh, we are what you made us and it is the way for all humans. The soul is like a diamond with infinite facets and each facet is a portrayal of your experience and how you survived it. We collectively are your survival Josh and without us you have no identity. Every time you do something in the world one of us is at the forefront with you, guiding you from experience. None of us are perfect, mind you, as you are imperfect, and we only exist through your viewpoint.’
Josh thought, ‘I want to speak to Josh Jung.’
‘What can I do for you Josh?’
‘Is this what you would describe as a schism or psychotic episode?’
‘Not so Josh Keene, we represent the Hero qualities of your soul. You need to understand that there are many more of us here and some of them are not so kindly inclined to your current situation. Your mind is breaking apart and as a result we, the Heroic Archetypes, are drawn into your arena first’.
‘Is it true’, thought Josh who was beginning to see a glimmer of hope here, ‘that I am the prime viewpoint here, and that whatever I want I can create?’
‘That is correct.’
‘Thank you Jung, I am tired of this darkness, I choose to be in the daylight. I choose to be in the at my power point, and you are all invited. So shall it be!’
The shift was instantaneous, the dark was replaced by the sunlight, and Josh was standing within a ring of sessile oak trees at the centre of which was a large flat stone. They were on a broad ledge, and looking out, he could see the lake and small island he remembered so well. He could hear the water flowing over the dam in the near distance and he checked the scene meticulously for faults; there were none. Outside the circle of trees were Josh’s archetypes and he was surprised to see that they didn’t look like him but looked like the actual characters. Heroes, he thought, nice touch.
‘I want these Josh’s to enter the circle, Josh Ishtar, Josh Crowley and Josh Jung. I will not refer to any of you as Josh from now on.’
The three chosen walked into the circle of trees, Josh was now sitting on the stone.
‘Ok, the reason I picked you three is that you were the first people to influence my views of life. Ishtar, you were in my dreams from childhood and I developed my love of the Earth from you. Jung, you inspired me to look into how the mind works, to try and develop my strengths, and you Crowley, your love of the magical structure of the universe inspired me to learn about the magic of the soul.’
‘This is my wish; I am going to integrate all of you into my current viewpoint as one single entity. No fragments and no independent identity, you will become whole with me, with your talents becoming my talents. Do you understand?’
Crowley spoke first, ‘What you suggest is a dangerous course young man; we could choose not to allow ourselves to be integrated and make an attempt to take you over.’
‘No you wont, because the nanobots are already destroying the genetic threads that hold the firewall together, a war between us now would certainly lead to total insanity and death; we would all lose.’
‘Well put.’ It was Jung who stepped forward, ‘I naturally fear losing the independence I have enjoyed within your mind, however, if you are to succeed in moving past the firewall it is something I shall choose to do.’
Josh paused, there was another viewpoint he needed here, someone who he believed had braved the firewall once before. ‘I call Castaneda to the circle!’
Like many people of his age Josh had explored the teachings of Carlos Castaneda, for Josh the road to enlightenment was never going to be drug induced and, as such, he took Castaneda’s teachings on face value. The important thing right now was that Castaneda had experienced the vision of the soul fragments becoming one within the internal god. Josh asked Castaneda to explain to the others that integration would not lead to a sense of loss of identity.
Ishtar looked worried and interrupted Castaneda to speak to Josh. ‘I can feel the firewall weakening; we do not have much time left. If you are going to act it must be now.’
Josh addressed the others, ‘You must walk into me and surrender yourself in unity. Castaneda, please be first.’
The fragments of Josh Keene flowed in one after another, the heroic qualities he had nurtured in this life became one cohesive mind, these were soon followed by archetypes representing all the qualities of his life; soon the flowing tide of fragments stopped.
‘I am All!’
Josh looked to the horizon, black clouds laced with red fire were closing in, the fear was still there he thought. New forms clambered to be heard at the circles edge, other archetypes merging until Josh slumped to the ground. The darkness was upon him now and a new voice spoke.
‘I am also here!’ It was the Shadow, the sum total of Josh’s fear, rage anger and hurt. To this new Josh it felt like evil had walked into his mind.
‘I deny you!’ and Josh raised himself up to his feet once more, ‘I deny you, you are not welcome here.’
‘You cannot deny me for I am as much you as the others. Humans stand between extremes, right and wrong, good and evil; through your choices are we all given form, we are your children too! Without my qualities you have no measure of your goodness, you need us.’
The scenery around Josh was beginning to crumble, the firewall was breaking and with it his hold on reality. Soon he would be in the sea of his own past.
‘Not sea’, said the Shadow sensing the thought, ‘Hell! That is how humans interpret the firewall, hell. We know you have seen it before many times, and remember, everything dark you believe about that place is built in there; you need us to help you through. We too have been there!’
Things were disappearing fast and Josh made the choice, he opened himself up to the Shadow and prayed he wasn’t wrong. Everything exploded into a nightmare of stench, fire and pain. Josh felt he was in a scene from Dante; demons beset him on every side ripping at his flesh and howling like banshees. He felt his mind begin to collapse, felt the first thoughts of submission to the inevitable, and Josh’s anger too rose up bringing with it knowledge.
‘Choronzon! I defy you and your majesty of Dispersion and Chaos. Babalon, Goddess of Binah, come to my aid I beseech thee. Turn aside this foulness and succour my soul which is in sore need of your divine Love.’
Josh’s outstretched right hand became a sword extended from his elbow, a sword of light which he swung around to clear a circle about himself. The demons screamed and moved out of range of its power. Josh could feel the chaos around him reacting to this new threat, and he saw Choronzon squatting toad-like on a rock off to his left. He was about to engage him when the scene began to change ahead of him, a huge creature took form towering above Josh; its horns and forked tail, the cloven hooves and the bloody great pitchfork had an undesired effect on Josh mind. He began to laugh uncontrollably.
‘Oh pleeeez’, giggled Josh with tears rolling down his cheeks, ‘you cannot be serious, I stopped believing in that version of Old Nick when I was six years old!’ Josh’s sword arm disappeared and a large staff appeared in his left hand, he pointed it at the apparition.
‘Assume a simpler form!’
‘What?’ it said, failing to understand the levity in Josh’s voice.
‘ASSUME A SIMPLER FUCKING FORM WILL YOU!’ shouted Josh.
The demon drew itself up to its full height and bellowed, ‘I am Satan, Lord of Darkness.’
A blue white light blasted out of the staff and Satan turned into a pile of red dust. Josh looked pleased at that one, ‘Nah’ he said, ‘you’re just history!’
Chaos, Josh thought, you have to have chaos for order to manifest, you cannot create without destroying something first; whether that’s an idea or… oneself. He saw now that you could not defeat chaos, for in doing so order could not be born.
In the distance was a point of blue white light and Josh knew that was his goal, but first there must be chaos. Josh visualised a diamond in his hand and once he was happy with it he began to transfer his core self to it. When he was done he turned to Choronzon. ‘Now, now you can have me’, and Josh opened himself up to the chaos.
All he could now see was the point of light and he could feel his body itching, crawling, like millions of insects were running over him eating his flesh. Having a hatred of anything with more than four legs he was finding it hard not to scream.
Josh focused using a mantra he found in the back of his head, ‘Om mani padme Om’; he began invoking the blessing of Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion. Josh could hear himself chanting from the quiet point he occupied, he felt his body being systematically stripped away and although it was painful to focus on, there was a sense of beauty within it.
‘Ah!’, he thought, ‘the forty meditations upon death’ and relaxed, acknowledging each layer as being unnecessary to what he would become; his form crumbled to dust and was blown away.
The diamond was all that was left now, and the more chaos attacked it the stronger and brighter its surface became until chaos itself was spent, and the firewall exploded in a brilliant ball of light.
‘I am!’
And Josh found himself floating in a blue light of absolute serenity. Drifting around him were packets of light, each one different from the other and as he looked closer he could see they were lives, his lives.
Josh knew exactly what to do; he picked each one and held it against his heart watching as it was absorbed back into his body. Each life retrieved like meeting an old friend again, and as each one passed its experience back to Josh he became more than he was, and further from the world of humans.
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(c)2007HKyng : 'End Times - Revelations' (extract of book 1)
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