The Shamans Fetch

Within my own, and many other shamanic traditions, there is an idea that each shaman has one particular 'guide' that has a connection closer than any other. Psychology tells us of the anima and animus, our 'alter ego', but this is a little more than that.

It is easier if I just tell the story...

At 3 years old I was struck down by polio in the last epidemic in the UK; I was taken to an isolation hospital and placed in an iron lung, whilst my parents were given no access to me and were told that 'he may not make it through the day'. My paralysis was total, I was a head upon a pillow and nothing more; and it would be 3 more years before I learnt to walk again. However, that is jumping the gun.

During my time in hospital I was visited by many people; doctors and nurses came and went and, because I was a child, no-one really bothered to update me on my condition. In the midst of this, two people stood out; they would always visit me alone and both offered comfort to a frightened child.

The male, who was an old oriental chap told me it was all part of my life, of what was to come; that I shouldn't be scared as many people were working hard to make sure I would be OK. I found out just before I learnt to walk again that this old chap was my father's father long dead and gone. It didn't impress my dad at all when he found out, he was hoping the family trait would skip his own children now he was in the West.

The other person, a nurse, was different in many ways. Soft spoken, she would talk to me of 'fairies' and taught me how to look 'in a certain way' in order to see them. She showed me how to be outside of my body, and took me to incredible places; but most of all told me to tell no one. To me, she was just a nurse; real and solid.

So, for three years I had both their company and wisdom whilst I secretly plotted to find God and ask him why he hurt the children.

The years past, I learnt to walk and my father had begun my training in his system. I would hear from my grandfather on odd occasions, but odder still is that I would 'bump into' the nurse at school or at the local park. She would always ask how I was, what I was doing etc.

At 13 years of age it dawned on me.

I was fishing in our local lake, a favourite haunt of mine where I was free of my parents, school and everything I disliked. Sitting there, I saw the nurse approach and for the first time it 'clicked' in my head that she was getting younger; now she was almost my age, whereas when I first met her she was as old as my mother! Old indeed :)

She smiled and sat beside me.

"You're not real, are you", I said calmly.
"That would depend on how you define real", she was laughing and seemed to be staring through my soul.

"OK", I countered, "you're not physical, not human".
"Ah, caught out at last", she held my hand, "I'm your guardian angel... well, sort of".

The news didn't surprise me, working with my father had brought many guides who stayed for while whilst they were needed; but she was different, not only had she been around 'forever' but she was 'real' in a way that none of the others were.

"We need to talk", the slight frown on her face told me I should pay attention to her and not to the perch valiantly trying to get off my hook. She seemed to age as I looked, back to the time she was a nurse talking and laughing about the fey folk.

"Do you remember when you were paralysed, I said if you would help me I would get you out of that wheelchair? Well, when you accepted it allowed me to do something that no other spirit can do to you in this life. I connected to you, your mind, so I am a part of your total self"

The pause told me it was my turn, I looked intently at her and thought of the best thing I could say.
"Yeh?"

Not choosing to be thrown off by my obvious lack of enthusiasm she shrugged and continued.
"Do you remember reading about the anima last year, well, I have sort of borrowed it. It's still yours of course but I have used it to make myself more 'real' to you".

I had really enjoyed the idea of having a buried alter ego, the fact that it was a girlie version of me didn't really worry me too much. training had taught me to access parts of it to compliment my budding poetic and artistic abilities; but beyond that I never really explored it too much. The thought that this spirit had nicked it was becoming uncomfortable, not to mention the thought of some female hanging around inside the head of a hormonal teenager.

"It's not what you think", she continued, unabashed at my growing unease. "I just copied the personality that was there, I'm not lurking in your head. It just means I'm a sort of version of you that will develop independently over time, but still be there as your helper."

"I have access to your subconscious self, your higher self that doesn't have the constraints of the filters you have created by being alive and 'out front'. This means I can offer you choices that you yourself are making in that thick skull of yours but are too blind to see."

"Oh, and with the added bonus that I have my own self and spirit to help out."

The conversation went on for a few more hours, but the gist of it was that I had an independent spirit that had used my anima to create the perfect partner (who doesn't love themselves?) so that I could have back up when needed.

The arrangement has worked well over the years although it has caused problems for some partners who see her as a threat for some bizarre reason. A couple have been able to see her, which was disturbing but on the whole my fetch and I have become a good team.

Is it unusual? No.

I have met many people since then who have their equivalent fetch, all of us share the same feelings about our 'relationship' with them.

I did ask my fetch what would happen to her when I physically died, she told me, but...

It's a secret :)