Old age... hoping to get older

Recently; I went and had a series of blood tests, nothing special mind, just because I was getting on a bit and could do with an MOT. After 5 weeks the results came back, and what a fuss!

Let me explain that in my day to day living upon planet Earth I am known to indulge in a hearty breakfast of bacon, eggs, and sausage. I also partook (until recently) of the dreadful weed that is tobacco, and drank the occasional dram or two of finest malt or supped a flagon of real ale. These things made life sweet, made waking up something to look forwards too; in fact, I would say they were pointers on my daily path.

Now, before my other half pens her side I should add that I am partial to Indian, Chinese and English (fish & chips) take aways, so YES, I accept I am not known for my elegant food habits.

Back to the doctor though; he looks at me quizzically and asks 'so why are you here?'. Now given the fact that I remember my doctor by name, face and actions, I do expect him to either recall who I am or to look at the bloody notes on the screen before him.

'Blood test results' said I.

'Oh yes' he says with a look of dismay, 'your cholesterol is high, but don't worry as mine is the same and I run marathons, it's genetics y'know'.

'Really'

'Seems your main problem is that you have plaque in the old arteries, bad that for a chap your age. Never mind, loose a couple of stone and you'll add years to your life.'

'Oh, and stop smoking, drinking, eating red meat, fats, white bread, cakes, creams...'

I have to say the next five minutes were a blank as I listened to my cherished life going down the pan. Then I heard....

'Atherosclerosis.... blah blah'

'WHAT?'

'Atherosclerosis ol' chap, it will kill you y'know.'

So, armed with this piece of information I headed back to 'she who actually wears the trousers' in he hope I would get a cuddle and maybe a bacon butty. Not a chance.

Now, I am detoxing... all in one go!!!

No fags or beer, I can have red wine (which I hate); no fats or anything now deemed antagonistic to my well being and I can safely say - its not worth it!!

There are so many things out there that can now kill me I doubt if I will make it, so I have derived a new mental plan as follows...

'I should have died years ago so every day is a blessing and a bonus'

Will I survive the diet? Stay posted

Will everyone around me survive my diet? Stay posted :)